were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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