I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
