I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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