Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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