This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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