k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
