thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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