She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
