Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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