Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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