hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
