You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
