Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
