If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
