Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
