Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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