When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
did i walk over a car last night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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