You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
