guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
