Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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