I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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