i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
