Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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