I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
