This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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