The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
