Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
