Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
