Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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