you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
