They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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