We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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