So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
