Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
