Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
