it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
