Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
