I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
