Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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