I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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