i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
