He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
