Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
