So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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