You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I love having hate sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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