He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
