This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
