Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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