your parents love me but you hate me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
