I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
this is an emotional support booty call
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
