Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Randomize
