dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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