Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
