A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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