dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
