Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
3 2 1 whiskey
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
