you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
