Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
