Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
