You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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