Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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