Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
