what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
