I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
