Your face is a jimmy john
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
