and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
