I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
