I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
