Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
