Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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