Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
