I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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