I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
