WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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