my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
